February 2015

The Least Interesting Man on the Internet



Choosing the Right Medical Care

We were saddened to hear that Connie Hoge has cancer, but we were encouraged to hear that she is beginning treatment. We wish her to have a swift and complete recovery. She is in our prayers.

We have no information on how she is being treated beyond the mention of chemotherapy at Hogewash, but we feel confident that one proposed option has not been taken.

Compassionate Bill


Another LOLsuit

Stupid is as stupid does.

LOLsuit 2


BlogBash is Tonight

Don't worry, Brett. We weren't invited either.



Meanwhile, On the Twitterz ...

Bunny Boy is providing a great example of Team Kimberlin's marvelous incompetence in PR …



Another Recycled Lie

Brett has several recurring lies about his past lawfare that keep coming up. For a while, he was peddling a tale of a super-secret exoneration of his federal crimes and being paid some sort of settlement. According to the Parole Commission, he's still on parole. His sentence up around Labor Day in 2030.

The bogus story currently being refloated by Ankle Bitter Willie Ferguson is about Brett suing Mark Singer for libel because of "Citizen K." There's no record in any court anywhere of such a lawsuit. Even if the settlement were sealed, the existence of the suit would still be a matter of public record, and the complaint would be available from the docket.

If Brett had won such a libel suit, then he would have been able to claim that quoting from the book was libelous. He hasn't made any such claim as part of his current defamation suits.

Finally, Mark Singer and his publisher Knopf have not made any retractions. Ferguson is full of it.

Suing Singer


Brett's "Teen Dream"

Brett's first disastrous attempt at an album was issued back in the '90s during his first parole. One of the tracks was called "Teen Dream." Here's what Brett said about it in interview published by Washington "City Paper"—“I say things a lot of people are afraid to say. Yeah, ‘Teen Dream’ is about fucking a teenage girl."

Teen Dream

When Brett sued Aaron Walker for defamation, he asked Walker during the trial why Walker thought he was a pedophile. Guess what one of the reasons was.



In the Op-Critical music video "Fear Not," Brett sings about being confused and crazy because he doesn't know what to be afraid of …



Hostis Humani Generis

In rereading W. J. J. Hoge's blog history of Brett's lawfare, we were struck by Brett's choice of a pirate-themed fundraising website. Brett's self-identifying as a pirate seems appropriate. Pirates are outlaws. They are hostis humani generis, that is, enemies of mankind.

While piracy is no joke, we are willing to join in Hoge's teasing Brett about the dangers that can face a pirate.

Tick Tock


Dead Air

Too Quiet


The Dread P_____ Kimberlin

For the past three years, Hoge has been referring to Brett as The Dread P_____ Kimberlin, where the p-word can be Pirate, Pedo, Pro-Se, or Performer, depending on the context. He recently put up a post that explains where he's coming from.


We think that we'll probably mostly stick with our Pro Se Dog and Downfall riffs for the time being.

No Snow Day Needed

About a year ago, Brett went crying to the judge in his racketeering case for extra time because of snow days.

Really. He did.

This year, he seems to have got ahead of the weather.

Inclement Weather 2015

The recycled image from the Original Kimberlin Unmasked is used without permission.


Unintended Consequences

One of the major failings of the members of Team Kimberlin is the inability to see more than one or two moves ahead in the game. That and their lack of understanding of the rules of the game and, in some cases, even which game is being played.

Wrong LOLsuit

As with all the Original Kimberlin Unmasked graphics we recycle, this one's used without permission.


Willie Ferguson, Attorney at LOL

Ankle Biter Willie's analysis of the failure of Mr. Bill's LOLsuit is as silly as the advice he had been giving Mr. Bill all along.


It's hard to imagine that he could be worse at something than music, but …


Matt and Willie Haz Sad

Bunny Boy and the Ankle Biter have been on teh (Gasp! We used it!) Twitterz whining about the bench slap Mr. Bill received shutting his LOLsuit down.

M&W Haz Sad



Hogie-Wan is on a roll. We wonder who on Team Kimberlin will encounter him next?



Congratulations to Messrs. Johnson, Hoge, Doe, and Doe

Mr. Bill's LOLsuit against Eric Johnson, W. J. J. Hoge, Joe Doe 1, and John Doe 2 has been thrown out because Mr. Bill is too rich to be a pauper and the court in which he filed lacked jurisdiction over the case.


Oopsie. Poopsie.


Brett Don't Need No Stinkin' Rules

While looking through the online docket of Brett's racketeering case on PACER, it doesn't take long before it's obvious that Brett believes "the rules" don't apply to him. By "the rules" we mean any rules—the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure, the Federal Rules of Evidence, the court's Local Rules, or, especially, the rules of logic.

Brett's Special


Meanwhile, Back at the Brettbunker ...

Our spycam in the Brettbunker passed this along. Given what's happened during the past few weeks, we suspect that Brett may be losing patience with Mr. Bill.



One of These is Not Like the Others

Mr. Bill has really written that he is comparable to Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr.

Not Like the Others



Mr. Bill vs. The Cops

We looked at the Maryland Judiciary Case Search database, and it says that the complaint for the new peace order violation charge against Mr. Bill is a police officer. Hoge has mentioned the Carroll County Sheriff's Office, so we're guessing that a deputy sheriff filed the charge. Mr. Bill mentioned something on one his posts a few days ago about an investigation being conducted by a "Detective Murray." Perhaps he found something.



A Legend in His Own Mind

Brett thinks he's a shrewd, talented, clever, and powerful Count-Dooku-class badass.

He's wrong. Very, very wrong.



Brett's Still Waiting

Brett talked about his attempts to have Mr. Bill harass us by getting our Twitter accounts suspended in the opposition he filed to Stacy McCain's motion to dismiss Brett's racketeering lawsuit. He said that he's waiting for our @WatchfulAvenger account to be taken down.

It hasn't happened yet.


Heh. It looks like his Frankenstein Monster of a case is getting away from him.


Brett Attacks the First Amendment. Again.

Last year, Brett complained to the judge in his racketeering case that some of the defendants had said mean things about him on the Interwebz. The judge was not impressed. Brett's trying the same thing again.



Coordinating Lawfare and LOLfare

Cunning Plan



Yesterday was Everyone Draw Bill Schmalfeldt Day, and a good time was had by all! Mr. Bill even stopped by the site and made a fool of himself in the comment section.

We didn't announce any sort of contest for the event, but several of the submissions deserve recognition.










So Bad It Isn't Even Wrong!

The title of this post was inspired by a quote from the physicist Wolfgang Pauli that we saw over at Hogewash. When we read Brett opposition to Stacy McCain's motion to dismiss, we were amazed to see how scatterbrained it is, even for one of Brett's filings. We weren't amazed at its meanness. Given Brett's history, …

So Bad


The Big Day Is Here!

It's Everone Draw Bill Schmalfeldt Day!



So That's What's Been Happening

Brett has filed an opposition to Stacy McCain's motion to dismiss, and it turns out that we have a supporting role in the drama.

Brett Racketeering ECF259

We note that the message was forwarded to Brett. Our working hypothesis is that Mr. Bill was the person who initiated the bogus complaint with Twitter.


Coming This Friday

Everyone Draw 2


A Special Day

Everyone Draw


Fighting Above His ... ah ... IQ

You know, it probably isn't fair for Hoge to be engaged with a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

Blobba v Hogie-Wan


Under Penalty of Perjury

We tend to believe that Mr. Bill lied.

Another Lie


We Think the Judge Gets It

There's been a lot of comments on the Interwebz that have been critical of how the court has handled motions and such for Brett's federal racketeering lawsuit. While we haven't agreed with everything the court has done, we are encouraged that Judge Hazel knows that he dealing with a liar for a plaintiff. This comment from a footnote in one of his orders indicates that he is getting a good grip on the case.



Do You Really Want to Go There, Mr. Bill

The heat will keep going up until you leave the kitchen, Mr. Bill.



Mr. Bill Doesn't Like Us



Is Mr. Bill a Lying Lowlife Scumbag?

Yes. Next question.


One More Thing—Mr. Bill is outraged that someone has included members of his family in their responses to his behavior. Of course, Mr. Bill has shown no real restraint in making use of Mrs. Stranahan and the Stranahan children, Mrs. Walker, Mrs. Hoge, Hoge's son, or family members of other of his targets. Mr. Bill has made his own karma and is reaping what he has sown.

BTW, family member who are not directly involved in a matter are strictly off limits here at Kimberlin Unmasked. Even in the comment section.


An Unfair Match

We're betting on the Zombie coming out ahead in Mr. Bill's LOLsuit.



Speaking of Forgeries

Forgery runs throughout Team Kimberlin. Brett's been caught during the past year forging court documents.

Speaking of Forgeries

Given that a forgery conviction figures into the 51+ year aggregated sentence Brett received and given that his unsupervised parole extend to the end of his sentence in 2030, engaging in forgery is kind of risky behavior on his part.


Yet More Courtroom Follies

Here are some scenes from the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. trial that demonstrate his courtroom klutziness.

Yet More


More Courtroom Follies

It's obvious from his record that Brett is a lousy litigator. He doesn't know how to present his case effectively, and he seems to know even less about how to prepare it.

He had this exchange during a hearing that resulted in 5 of the 7 claims in his state lawsuit against Walker, et al. being thrown out on summary judgment.

More Follies


Mr. Bill, Decorated Veteran

Mr. Bill likes to talk about his career in the Navy. He did one tour as a medical corpsman that included sometime with the Marines. He did a second tour as a navy journalist.

There's been some chatter on the Interwebz about Mr. Bill's service records. Several folks are researching them. One of us acquired a copy of his DD 214 (his discharge papers from active duty) some time ago. Since there seems to be so much interest in Mr. Bill's career, we thought we should share this—

Decorated Veteran

We believe the correct description of Mr. Bill's service would be REMF.


Did We Touch a Nerve?

It seems that Mr. Bill is claiming that he got the @kimberlinunmask Twitter account suspended. We don't care whether he did it on his own or at his master's bidding. We simply guarantee that he will come to regret that action.


Mr. Bill, the heat will be going up in the kitchen. It will keep rising until you leave.


Grasping at Straws

Mr. Bill is grasping at straws, trying to find some way of "proving" that all of his contacts with W. J. J. Hoge in violation of the current peace order were forged or done by someone else or whatever the excuse-of-the-day he's trying to peddle.

He's now trying to show that there's an online prank service that sends the message Hoge received and that he had nothing to do with anything.


Here are a few points to consider:

1. Hoge has never introduced the voicemail into evidence in any proceeding. That Mr. Bill would get so spun up about it reminds us of the reference to Proverbs 28:1 at the end of the Johnny Atsign episodes.

2. Even if the call were routed through the prank call site, that doesn't mean that Mr. Bill isn't the voice actor who recorded it or that he didn't initiate the call to Hoge's phone.

3. We called Hoge's phone (as listed at Hogewash) and timed voicemail message to the point where the tone beeps. While that time is consistent with the gag call beginning as soon as the line picked up and running over Hoge's voice mail greeting, the voicemail message ending before the rest of the gag script plays is suspicious.

Of course, if could be that Sluggo told Mr. Hand to make the call to get Mr. Bill in trouble.



If Mr. Bill really didn't mail that letter to Hoge, maybe he didn't mail that LOLsuit to the court.


Are the signature too much alike, not enough alike, or …


Mr. Bill's LOLsuit

Actually, it's more of a LMAOsuit.



Brett's Real Complaint

There are certain themes that recur throughout Brett's life …

Real Complaint


Pro Se Dog in Action

There are rule of evidence that apply in a court of law. They determine what is and isn't admissible in a proceeding. Brett's failure to play by the rules has meant that much of his "evidence" never gets before the court. For example, consider this exchange from last summer's defamation trial …

In Action


Mr. Bill Sues Again

Mr. Bill has announced that he's filed a federal lawsuit against a yet-to-be-revealed laundry list of nasty people who have been writing things about him in the comment sections of Hogewash and Thinking Man's Zombie. Mr. Bill filed a similar suit last year, but withdrew it after only a few days when he found that he would have to pay the filing fee.

Frivolous Lawsuit

We hope to be able to contain our sense of butthurt if we aren't included among the defendants.

Brett's Real Motivation?

Looking back over the suspicions related to "Jessica," the murder of her grandmother, the presumed connections between that murder and the Speedway Bombings, Mrs. Kimberlin's allegation of statutory rape, etc., it's interesting to see what Brett complained of during a hearing in his state lawsuit last year.

Emotional Distress


Will Mr. Bill See His Shadow?

If he sees his shadow, we'll get another six weeks of LULZ from his tweets and blog posts. If he doesn't, we'll still get those same six weeks.

Groundhog Bill


February Donate Button


Pasted Graphic 2


Legal Speculation

We aren't lawyers, but we talked to a couple of guys who play them on the Internet …

Legal Speculation

Maybe there’s method to Hoge’s madness.


Team Kimberlin Trading Cards: William Ferguson

Another Team Kimberlin Trading Card! No purchase necessary. Collect the whole set. Void where prohibited. Batteries not included. Always wear appropriate ear protection.

WF Trading Card

And Another Thing—One reviewer has described Ankle Biter Willie’s recent music as sounding like it was performed on an electric Jew’s harp.


The Handwriting on the Wall


Mr. Bill’s signature translates into Aramaic as: MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN.

(Brett, you can look it up in the 5th chapter of the Book of Daniel.)